So Yow!  I just came across this blog when I was writing for it...2010...it is 2023 now. Not even sure it is an active site...but here goes...

I am 80 years old...have 44 years of sobriety...still live in Portland, Or.

 Pandemic! Survived that...MS kicking butt just now...but I am more spiritually fit than I was in 2010 and for that I am very grateful.

I am broadcasting for KBOO.fm radio with a show titled 'Negotiating Dramatic Events' which airs the 3'd Wed of each month...will be doing this show twice a month...anyway to to the 90,7 fm or the site to catch the 4 or so show done already...let me know what you feel...

I have been stunned by life 101 and am just now writing more now...the years of contemplation and silence has been good for me...anyway...more later...

a piece inspired from Tina Mcbride song

Hallelujah  

Jesus loves the drunkard, the whore, & the queer Would you recognized Him if he bought you a beer He laid down a $20 as he passed me sitting on the street He disappeared around the corner...muttering something about the blessed homeless ones...

Long Train Chugging

 So yow!  We have been through a world pandemic! I have to assume we have changed on many levels...I know I have...

Still sober/clean...I now have 43 years of sobriety. Most of the brick and mortar meetings are gone...I have a home group called BBS (Big Book Study) via Zoom. Thank the gods of technology for Zoom.  There were over a hundred of us on our online meetings during the worst of the pandemic. All gathered in that safe place seeking a way to connect...I would say over and over 'connection is protection'! 

As far as Bahai I am not that active in a direct way...things are more subtle...quieter...more like a very light watercolor...I am very blessed to be Spiritually Fit...Thanks Great Mystery Power for all the blessings.

Soon I will be broadcasting on KBOO.fm community radio again...the long train that is still running slowly but surely up the many hills and down into the many valleys is just that...still chugging along...trying to make life more wonderful for me and the friends around me...still showing up...sharing experience, strength and hope...feeling blessed and grateful for a track that is still nailed down tight for me to run on...

Anyway...more later and if anyone reads this...thanks...comments welcome...anyway!

Light & Love: The God/man dance

 Light & Love                                                                            November 2022

I am never left to myself when I am striving to be spiritually fit. I know at this point in my life...age 80 with 40+ years of sobriety that there is only one dance worth dancing...the God and man dance...seeking God in the dust with a bottle in my hand desperately trying to find peace of mind...peace of soul...bottoming out in 'tragic expression of unmet needs' (NVC) only to find Great Mystery Power at the end of a deep darkness of dancing with self and ego.

There is only Light and Love! There is no rewarding/punishing God. I don't have to be terrorized by followers of half ass uninvestigated truth...based on unworkable old traditional stale outdated systems of religion...I only have to stay open and curious to the constantly new revelations that Great Mystery gifts to IT'S seekers...That would be me curious and always seeking better steps to that Dance between God and mankind.  

The great altruistic AA/NA movement saved my life. The latest progressive revelation found in the Bahai peace path keeps me open to the newest God Dance. I am now allowed to drop all fear of the unknown to continue to investigate truth based on science and spiritual practice.  Having (so far) survived Covid the world wide bottoming out time...that is what it was/is...forcing resistant stubborn ego centric humans to STOP...just stop...reflect on what is important...what is valuable...what is relevant...find Light & Love...be aware of the dark nature within us all...

There is only Light and Love...darkness is the absence of Light. I remain diligent and respectful of my darker nature whose job is to dim my Light (Spirit). I stay in prayer, meditation and service...the stuff I learned 40+ years ago to keep the Lights on...to allow my Soul to progress on its way to Great Mystery (God). I am grateful and blessed...so blessed!

Choice No Choice

 Choices, Choices, and No Choices seems to be a way of life whether we are in Covid-19 or not. I don't remember a time when I had chosen to just be happy, joyous and free and be done with life's journey. I would prefer to just be laid back, go to a AA meeting, meet sponsee types at the coffee shop, chat endlessly about stuff, go home, watch the news over dinner, make calls and drift off into a blissful sleep knowing I had a good day. 

Anyway I did do this many days and now that coffee shops are pretty much closed down we meet on Zoom, chat about sobriety and God, and close the screen. Not as satisfying for sure but better than total isolation. I remain grateful for any contact or interaction at all!

Then there are people (especially elders) whose lives are turned upside down with the closure of Meals on Wheels centers and places like McDonalds where they gather, catch up, get fed, stay cool, stay connected. Many don't know how to Zoom etc. and many have turned to booze to kill the pain of loneliness. Many have connections to their social workers but front line people such as outreach workers are overwhelmed with clients and can't reach out in a timely way.

What a mess we humans have made of our lives by insisting on hanging onto to old ways and ideas. Racism, economic instability, broken justice systems, severe divineness that lead to lack of peace and sanity have taken a toll on us all. Then there is Covid-19 that is bringing all of this and all of us to a state of no choice. 

However there is never a time we are at a place of absolutely no choice. There is always a choice available to change our old ways of thinking and doing. We are at at time we are turning toward Choice of inclusiveness, common sense sanity, right thinking, right political action, right emotion, the next humane right thing to do based on spirit, love and light. 

Anyway... may all our future choices be the middle path of social justice that leads to that wold peace we are all seeking to live.

    

I have not felt like writing much lately. Sadness does that to us humans. I am approaching 80 years on this planet. This means I am cuing up to die. I will die. You will die. We humans all die. These days many are passing due to a virus that has shut the world down. A tiny little virus has shut down a tiny minded little world---this one we all live in.

Mother Earth is weary of us---we people who mostly don't seem to care for her, for ourselves, for others. We yammer on and on about World Peace but apparently don't walk our talk. Too much talk and not enough walk---action is desperately needed.

Many years ago the great Bahai peoples presented 'The Promise of World Peace'. A promise that I know will come true but at what cost? The Great Mystery Power wants us humans to have peace. The Great Mystery Power in fact will have peace here on Mother Earth. The more we resist this promise and opportunity the harder it will be.

The WORLD is shut down! Our economy in tanked! Innocent lives have been and will be lost! And yet we humans protest, resist, wax selfish and self-centered and egocentric!

WHAT EXACTLY is it going to take to grow up and walk into the peace that is our legacy? I suggest we investigate those who are doing it.

Bahai Faith comes to mind. The great AA/NA movement comes to mind. Unity movements worldwide are active. But until all these movements come together as One Great Peace Force nothing much is going to happen.

Anyway---a big thank you to people found everywhere that are posting to inspire and instigate and move souls toward the goal of that Great promise of World Peace. Check it out for yourself.

All our lives and all life depends on it.  Eagles Grace out!

Resistance is---well---resistance

So there they were in open deep space facing the Borg who stated to them, the little traveling beings, that 'Resistance is Futile.'

NO!!

Seems like once a being is born transition is in place from the womb to the beginning of a life journey. That is not a choice---it just happens planned or not. You are out here and subject to whatever fate befalls good or bad.  

Seems transformation however is a choice. Resistance to change seems the norm in many cases. Seems change is difficult. This is my observation over 70+ years. There are many books written to testify to this observation too. 

So why would anyone want to resist something that is proven to be a better choice for well-being and happiness? That is a mystery still being researched by phycologist, counselors, life coaches, clergy, mothers/dads and people who are curious about the question. 

When I resisted changing from an uneducated, frightened, angry, resentful person my life did not go well. I turned to drugs, alcohol and insistence on control to fix the uncomfortable, unworkable, dysfunctional life I was experiencing. The chosen fix did not work and I bottomed out with a vengeance.  (Negotiating Shadows) 

I was lucky to be offered a way to fix this mess in another way which was my path of transformation. I am still on that path today 36+ years later. I have transformed from a negative person to a spirit centered person and I am grateful for the chance to make better choices. 

If you are fighting change that has you stuck do what you can to embrace choices for better chances. Need help? Find it around you because there are many who have walked the path from the threat of the 'Borg' to giving up resistance to change and we are pretty happy folks.  

Transition to Transformation: Chances for Better Choices

Transition implies change. Change moves us forward, it lives, blooms, and eventually morphs into another form of change over time. All transitions from one state to another, is not by choice---for instance birth. I was not asked to be born. I was conceived by passionate parents longing to have a family, to pass a part of them forward, to experience parenthood, to be part of the whole called the human family.

They could not give me much materially as they were born into poverty in the US. They tried to love us kids, to support us, to give us the best, but it fell apart. They lived in their tragic expression of unmet needs. They reached out for help, they negotiated many shadows. They were not supported by the system of the day. They tried but failed. They died in poverty. They left me angry and afraid. (Negotiating Shadows)

 I went on to become a mom and could not give my child the ideal but did raise above what my mom and dad could do. In spite of having a better marriage, economic base, a better education, more choices for better chances, there were still deep problems and my family fell apart---as many things that are mandated to change do. Transition is not for the faint of heart. It takes alot of courage to be a human in this world.

Transformation is a choice however. When I made a transition from the Spirit World to become a fetus in my mothers womb to the birth onto planet Earth that was all a process that just was. I had no choice (that I know of) and so it was.
But, after discovering I was a human being facing all sorts of scenarios, being offered some chances to make choices, growing from a helpless child to a woman I was challenged to seek better ways of being, to find ways to feel better about my life, to walk away from my shadows of fear and lack.  Many of  the choices I made that were not good due to lack of education, lack of resources, lack of spirit, of health, etc. were opportunities to do better.


Over time being a negative person brought more chances for better choices through the process of transformation. Accepting spiritual growth made me a better human. It is an ongoing process.  It is hard to negotiate the many shadows of life but it is possible. It is necessary to honor the many transitions and transformations yet to come as the soul passes from stage to stage.